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Moiety Jean
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PostPosted: Tue Aug 15, 2006 1:31 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

understood.

Since I am sadly far from knowledgeable about the early events of Prologue, I can't accurately gather from multiple sources, even in this forum. My talent will be to bake the cake after someone has handed me a platter with every ingredient I'll need. That includes every chat log which is relevant, every bit of trivia that needs to be used, and every prefacing event which needs to be explained.
I suppose my talent is in creatively tweaking and aesthetically arranging what is already provided to me. I don't know to add things that are missing.

It's embarrassing to admit, but in order to help with scripts, I'll probably have to be babied through them. If someone can make sure all the information for an episode is pushed under my nose in one spot, I can work with it. Doesn't make me the best person for the project, I know. I'm still very willing to help.
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Moiety Jean
First Lady of the Great Tree
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PostPosted: Tue Aug 15, 2006 1:35 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Let me clarify that I am familiar with many of the events of Prologue, but not at all with timelines or dates. Often I don't know how major events related to each other in terms of time, because I missed every single one of them and had to learn about them through hearsay. I've read chat logs but most of them have had their dates and scope of time removed so I don't know even how long they took to play out.

I'm hoping that in educating myself about how everything fit together, I'll know how to educate others in clear, succinct, and cinematically interesting ways.
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Cycreim
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PostPosted: Tue Aug 15, 2006 1:54 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

DPWR has a good consolidated history of Phil's disappearance.

How about...

Quote:
In 2002, a restoration engineer known as Phil Henderson linked to Eder Kemo and didn't come back.

For weeks, nonstop searched for Phil Henderson continued, but to no avail.

As these searches were about to be called off, Victor Laxman noticed that Phil's KI signal was active again, in the Bevin Garden Age.

Dr. Watson went to investigate, but after failing to find Phil Henderson, the KI signal vanished once again.

Several times more, Phil Henderson's KI signal would appear to be coming from Eder Kemo, but vanish before he could be found.

Until, one day, when an authorized explorer by the name of Zardoz made it to Kemo before the signal wavered...


Jean if you could make that sound good (my writing style is kinda prosaic) then that would be awesome.
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Last edited by Cycreim on Tue Aug 15, 2006 1:55 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Marten
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PostPosted: Tue Aug 15, 2006 1:54 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

MJ: Why not ask Brian for help? He was there. Smile

Edit Cycreim's pointer is good too!
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Cycreim
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PostPosted: Tue Aug 15, 2006 2:02 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
Zandi's "Uru" explorers, entering D'ni in droves, carrying strange linking books, and speaking about a "calling" to the ancient city, have made the restoration that much more turbulent for the DRC. As a result of the growing number of unauthorized explorers the DRC have erected barricades in the island city of Ae'gura, blocking off areas that were once freely accessible. Not everyone is happy with their "safety first" motto, including Douglas Sharper, who we'd previously seen restoring the Age of Teledahn...

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Moiety Jean
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PostPosted: Tue Aug 15, 2006 3:28 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Cycreim wrote:
Quote:
Zandi's "Uru" explorers, entering D'ni in droves, carrying strange linking books, and speaking about a "calling" to the ancient city, have made the restoration that much more turbulent for the DRC. As a result of the growing number of unauthorized explorers the DRC have erected barricades in the island city of Ae'gura, blocking off areas that were once freely accessible. Not everyone is happy with their "safety first" motto, including Douglas Sharper, who we'd previously seen restoring the Age of Teledahn...


Ooh, I LIKE this bit. This fills in a big gap in the explanation of the conflict in D'ni.

K, how about this rewording?

Quote:

Few explorers had yet reached the cavern in 2002, and the DRC and their Restoration Engineers were focused at their work. In September, one engineer disappeared while working in Eder Kemo. His name was Phil Henderson. He left behind a cryptic message, that he had "found a way."

Incessant, widespread searches filled the following weeks, but they availed no sign of Phil. As Victor Laxman prepared to call off the teams, the sudden reappearance of Phil's KI signal drew their focus again to the Bevin Garden Age.
Dr. Watson hurried to the age, but found nothing, and the KI signal vanished again.
During the next few days, the signal from Phil Henderson's KI would appear several times to emanate from Eder Kemo, but never long enough for anyone to find him, until the last time, when an authorized explorer named Zardoz managed to reach the signal's source...


I think I only made it longer...
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Cycreim
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PostPosted: Tue Aug 15, 2006 3:47 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Now it works better as a segue from the Sharper introduction to the Phil introduction.
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Marten
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PostPosted: Tue Aug 15, 2006 4:04 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hmm. I'd avoid saying "Bevin Garden Age". We know that it means the Kemo Age reached from Bevin, but others might not understand.

I don't feel comfortable switching back to narration at "Meanwhile in the Garden Age of Kemo". My intuition says, "Develop an opening that is short and covers both the barricades and Henderson, then shifts to the plot unfolding in the cavern."

I think we have to let go of Zandi's involvement for now; we know he was acting as an agent for Yeesha, but we can cover that in the narration when we reach the "Path of the Shell" chapter.

Can't even explain what a KI is, if we want to keep this short.

Here's as short as I can get it for the moment.

Quote:
In 2002, the DRC and their Restoration Engineers focused on their work while few explorers wandered the Ages. In September, an Engineer named Phil Henderson disappeared while working in Eder Kemo. His final, cryptic message said that he had "found a way." In the following weeks, Phil's "KI" signal appeared and disappeared sporadically, but search teams were never able to locate him. One day the signal stopped altogether.

In the following months, the number of explorers arriving in D'ni increased dramatically. Fearful of the impact these crowds might make upon the Restoration, and concerned that others might be lost like Henderson, the DRC erected barricades in the island city of Ae'gura to block off areas once freely accessible. Not everyone was happy with their "safety first" motto, including Douglas Sharper, a contractor assigned to restore the Age of Teledahn...

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Moiety Jean
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PostPosted: Tue Aug 15, 2006 4:37 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

K, we can drop "Bevin Garden Age."

Is it necessary to make it really short? Since the subject of this project is education, why not introduce Zandi's part right away? He is the first person most of us saw coming in, so it would make sense to explain how he factors in to the Cavern. At least we could introduce him, and that he's the son of one of the original explorers.

The KI is fairly self-explanatory if you've made it into the cavern at all. I think we can safely omit that.

Saying "One day the signal stopped altogether" might confuse people as to when the encounter between Zardoz and Phil occurred. If I've read right, Zardoz was one of the last people to see Phil before he well and truly disappeared for a whole year. Phrasing it this way might make it seem like Zardoz found Phil when he came back after his year-long disappearance.

Guess I'm confused. I was assuming this intro was sort of a segue into the Zardoz-meets-Phil portion. My bad. But still, we should stick something about Zardoz-meets-Phil in there to help keep timelines clear.
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Rils
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PostPosted: Tue Aug 15, 2006 4:55 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

MJ wrote:
The KI is fairly self-explanatory if you've made it into the cavern at all. I think we can safely omit that.


Agreed. If yer researching this stuff, yer gonna know what a ki is.

MJ wrote:
If I've read right, Zardoz was one of the last people to see Phil before he well and truly disappeared for a whole year. Phrasing it this way might make it seem like Zardoz found Phil when he came back after his year-long disappearance.


I thought Zardoz did meet Phil after the year long disappearance. Didn't this meeting signal his "return"?
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Moiety Jean
First Lady of the Great Tree
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PostPosted: Tue Aug 15, 2006 5:01 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Not according to the DPWR account and the chat log itself... What I understood is that Zardoz found Phil less than a month after he disappeared, and then Phil said he needed "more time" and left again, and a year later reappeared, only to be nabbed by the DRC and questioned.
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Moiety Jean
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PostPosted: Tue Aug 15, 2006 5:04 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Or, I could be wrong. If I am, please correct me.

I need these educational retrospects as much as anyone!
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Rils
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PostPosted: Tue Aug 15, 2006 5:47 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Heh, no worries!

I just checked up on this. Phil supposedly disappeared in September 2002 (per your earlier quote, I don't know the source though). The chatlog of him and Zardoz is dated Nov 19, 2003 - a year later. This would be the beginning of his reappearance. Though he reentered the door after talking to Zardoz, an Explorer named Terra saw him again soon after (Nov 24) and he officially made his way back to the city Nov 28th, 2003.

Hope that helps!

~Rils
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Moiety Jean
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PostPosted: Tue Aug 15, 2006 5:54 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

That does help, immensely!

Ok, so I was quite wrong then, and Zardoz-meets-Phil WAS the herald to his return.

It was very easy to misplace that moment in the timeline. I'm glad we're doing this project, for all the uneducated's sakes!
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dcos
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PostPosted: Tue Aug 15, 2006 5:55 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Heya! Just thought I'd clarify about Phil, Marie Sutherland noted that he hadn't been seen for a few days on Monday 9th September 2002. He hadn't been seen since the previous Thursday and it was just assumed he'd gone home for the weekend.

Following the realisation that he was missing, there appear to have been a search and rescue effort, which was kept quiet for the most part and which was abandoned a few weeks later.

Thats much more info than you needed but felt like sharing
Its all on the drcsite forum.

[Edit: Orwellian change of content]
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