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Episode Eleven: The Fall of Phil Henderson
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Marten
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PostPosted: Fri Oct 05, 2007 1:10 pm    Post subject: Episode Eleven: The Fall of Phil Henderson Reply with quote

<Note: Kam begins Kinjo no Surudoi after Sharper loses his Pub>

Proposed title - Episode Eleven: The Fall of Phil Henderson
December 26, 2003 10:00 AM Phil Henderson's Accident
December 26, 2003 10:00 AM Phil's Accident (second copy)

Depending on script length, this episode will either include an "Epilogue", or a separate Epilogue episode will be constructed to bring Explorers through the void of December 2003 to February 2007.
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Marten
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PostPosted: Sat Dec 01, 2007 3:39 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Work in progress: Closing text of Episode 11. This appears after the scene of the DRC urging all explorers to leave Ae'gura following the accident, and Brian reluctantly acquiescing.

Quote:
Epilogue

One by one, the remaining explorers departed, except for one... Kam Uraki stayed, alone, hoping against hope. But eventually, he had to leave, too.

In the following days, the DRC announced that they had searched the rubble and found no sign of Phil Henderson's body. But they did find a broken KI.

The DRC also reported that Dr. Watson had vanished and his whereabouts were unknown.

A new year arrived. Kam called an all-explorers meeting in ‘Kinjo no Surudoi’, and by the end of that meeting, 'Kinjo' dissolved and 'The Great Tree' was born under the leadership of Brian Fioca. The Great Tree proclaimed itself an open group dedicated to increased explorer involvement in the Restoration of D'ni.

But one month later, the remaining DRC members issued a somber statement: They were departing. Funding for the Restoration had been cancelled. Many explorers left the cavern. Only a few remained.

For two years, the Cavern fell to a state of near-silence broken only by small bands of explorers who refused to leave. Then in late 2005, the DRC found a new source of funding and returned, and as the months went by, explorers began to feel the Call once more.

Yet the mystery of Phil Henderson and Dr. Watson remained...

The End


For those who are wondering, Episode 9 or 10 (I can't remember which) will mention the initial creation of 'Kinjo' by Kam for the use of Sharper's supporters, and how it was kept private. I don't think any further detail is necessary, but I do think it's worthwhile to represent how our group grew from a very private, Sharper-focused organization into the advocates of explorer participation and knowledge that we are today.

In hindsight, I don't think there's anyone in our group who would disagree that this refocusing was the right thing to do. And if our influence in the cavern today seems less than it once was, I prefer to believe that we've been successful in our message... while there is still growth for explorer participation, there is more of it now than ever before. We are moving in the right direction.
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janaba1
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PostPosted: Sat Dec 01, 2007 4:07 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Wow!!! That's really stirring, Marten, the Epilogue and your
additional statements... Agreed... just excellent and true ...
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Moiety Jean
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PostPosted: Sat Dec 01, 2007 5:41 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I made it longer, but I like the stronger conveyance of the emotional feel of the time.. what do you think if we changed it to this?

Quote:

Reluctantly, gradually, the explorers departed -- all but one. Kam Uraki remained in the city for as long as he could, clinging to hope of a sign from Phil, but in vain.

In the following days, the DRC reported that their search of the rubble at the Guild Hall had found no trace of Phil Henderson, except for his broken KI. They could only conclude that he had been killed. Out of concern for safety, no one else was allowed near the accident site, despite the pleas from many explorers who felt desperately that the search efforts had not been complete.

Dr. Watson, chairman of the council, vanished suddenly afterward, leaving no indication of his whereabouts. His departure was attributed to grief.

The new year arrived. Inspired by Douglas Sharper, Kam called an all-explorers meeting in the "Kinjo no Surudoi" neighborhood. By the end of that meeting, "Kinjo" dissolved and "The Great Tree" was born under the leadership of Brian Fioca. The Great Tree proclaimed itself an open group dedicated to increased explorer involvement in the Restoration of D'ni. They questioned the methods of the DRC, but received little response. Council activity had become unsettlingly still.

In the middle of January came the reason for their quiet, in a somber announcement from the remaining members: Funding for the Restoration had been cancelled. They were leaving D'ni.

Without hope of further discovery, most explorers sorrowfully followed. For two years, the Cavern's near-silence was broken only by small bands of explorers who ventured back and stayed, hoping that one day the city would come alive again. Then, in late 2005, new word came from the DRC. They had found a new source of funding through a woman named Cate Alexander, and were returning to the Restoration. Explorers, new and old, began to feel the Call once more.

Yet, through the burgeoning renewal, many questions remained unanswered. Was Phil truly dead? Where was Watson? What of the mysterious Bahro, and of Yeesha? Though the DRC seemed determined to leave the past behind them, the people who remembered could not abandon it. They would tell the events of years before, and time would reveal much...

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Marten
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PostPosted: Sat Dec 01, 2007 7:28 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I like it, MJ. I'll have to see how that fits into Premiere later, and I might want to re-shorten some parts. But your version has more depth, and I wouldn't want to lose that.
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Erik
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PostPosted: Sun Dec 02, 2007 6:43 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I think it's a very good epilogue! I especially like the last paragraph of MJ's piece.
And the epilogue, while being an end to the series, still leaves room for a possible continuation... Cool
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PostPosted: Sun Dec 02, 2007 12:15 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Nice work, MJ! Especially the ending, that last paragraph sums up a lot of our thoughts over the UU phase and throughout this season. It might be able to be shortened at some earlier points, but over all, I like it alot.
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janaba1
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PostPosted: Sun Dec 02, 2007 1:26 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yes, I agree with you all, especially the shortening of some parts...
according to the saying "Less is sometimes more...", a little less words,
a little less emotions to leave some space for the people, that'll read it,
to feel for themselves... Razz

All in all I like them both very much... this is really the crown on top
of this historical masterpiece... Myst-eriously and directly at the same
time leading to us right here, right now... and thus including everybody
in this hopefully never-ending adventure... Very Happy
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Marten
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PostPosted: Sat Jan 19, 2008 7:18 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I've merged Moiety Jean's version and mine together and came up with this:

Quote:

(Image of Kam in the city, alone)
Reluctantly, gradually, the explorers departed -- all but one. Kam Uraki remained in the city for as long as he could, clinging to hope of a sign from Phil, but in vain.

(Image of barricades)
In the following days, the DRC reported that their search of the rubble yielded no sign of Phil Henderson's body. All they could find was a broken KI. Citing safety concerns, the DRC disallowed access to the accident site, despite pleas from many explorers who felt the search efforts had not been complete.

(Image of Dr. Watson)
Dr. Watson, chairman of the council, vanished suddenly afterward. He left neither explanation nor indication of his whereabouts.

(Image of meeting)
The new year arrived. Inspired by Douglas Sharper, Kam called an all-explorers meeting in the ‘Kinjo no Surudoi’ neighborhood. At the end of that meeting, 'Kinjo' dissolved and 'The Great Tree' was born under the leadership of Brian Fioca.

The Great Tree proclaimed itself an open group dedicated to increased explorer involvement in the Restoration of D'ni. The new group called for a meeting to question the DRC, but received no response. Council activity had become unsettlingly still.

(Image of closing announcement, DRC site)
In late January came the reason for the DRC's quiet, in a somber announcement from the remaining members: Funding for the Restoration had been cancelled. They were leaving D'ni.

(Image from D'mala)
Most explorers sorrowfully followed. For two years, the Cavern's near-silence was broken only by small bands of explorers who ventured back and stayed, hoping that one day the city would come alive again.

(Image of Cate Alexander at meeting)
Then, in late 2005, new word came from the DRC. They had found a new source of funding through a woman named Cate Alexander, and were returning to the Restoration. Explorers new and old began to feel the Call once more.

(No picture)
Yet many questions remained unanswered. What had become of Phil’s body? Where was Dr. Watson? What of the mysterious Bahro, and Yeesha? The DRC seemed determined to leave the past behind them. But in time, the answers to these questions… and more… would be revealed.

(Image of Phil and Bahro standing together)

Continued in Myst Online: Uru Live


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Last edited by Marten on Sun Jan 20, 2008 12:45 am; edited 4 times in total
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Moiety Jean
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PostPosted: Sat Jan 19, 2008 9:45 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I like all of that except for two things:

I'd kind of like to hear "The new year arrived" instead of "A new year arrived" because it sounds more like a nearby date of note than a vague, mentally long span of time. Does that make sense? I could be overly picky here.

And the very last line still needs something. I'm not sure what I don't like about it.. maybe it's the passive verb? Mine might not be the best choice either, though. Anyone else have a suggestion there?

Otherwise, it sounds just right. Smile
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Marten
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PostPosted: Sat Jan 19, 2008 11:36 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

OK, I'll concede on A vs The.

Which last line do you not like? The selection of the final photo as annotated there is intended to give the last statement a good punch.

I've applied some small changes to the text above as I've worked to make it fit in Premiere.
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Marten
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PostPosted: Sun Jan 20, 2008 1:53 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Here is a very quickly assembled Episode 11 ending. Please pardon the poor music quality. I'm going to ask Greydragon if I can get a copy of the opening music without Yeesha's voiceover (I've stripped the voice manually from this, so the quality has suffered).

http://marten.treeweasel.com/Uru/Ep11_Ending.mov
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Erik
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PostPosted: Sun Jan 20, 2008 4:25 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Looks good, except for one thing. There are curled quotes around ‘Kinjo no Surudoi’, but normal quotes around Kinjo and TGT. It looks better if the same quotes are used (and I think the curled ones look better on the screen).

And...that's my photo of Phil in there! Whee! Very Happy
If you would rather have the original (I touched it up a bit), I still have it.
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janaba1
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PostPosted: Sun Jan 20, 2008 11:54 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Wow!!! Marten, a great Finale!!!

The music, the pictures, everything fits perfectly... and I like
the music in synchronization with the changing messages and
sentiments... Just Great!!! Very Happy
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Erik
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PostPosted: Sun Jan 20, 2008 12:21 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I've just thought of something that would fit well after the line "But in time, the answers to these questions… and more… would be revealed.".

What about "The ending had not yet been written." after that line, perhaps over that pic of Phil? Cool

Of course, it's an overused line, but it holds a magic feeling and symbolises hope. Every time the community thought the ending had been written, it hadn't been. After Prologue, the ending hadn't been written. Even after Myst V, the ending had not been written. And that gives me the small hope that even know - in these uncertain times - the ending has not been written. I think this line, although never intended to be, is the line that tells the tale of the community. It represents the community's past, present, and our hope for the future.
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