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Episode Five - "Safety First"
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Moiety Jean
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PostPosted: Tue Sep 19, 2006 3:56 pm    Post subject: Episode Five - "Safety First" Reply with quote

I've familiarized myself with the two chat logs Marten has proposed be used for Episode Five:

#1 http://www.thegreattree.com/tree/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=33
and
#2 http://www.thegreattree.com/tree/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=35

I've found another time discrepancy; Chat log #2 is labeled as occuring on December 6th, but the second part of it describes the scene just before Phil took Sharper on the journey. Chat log #1 is labeled December 5th, but describes Phil and Sharper as being on the journey together already.

It appears that, chronologically, the chat logs would appear in this order:

second half of #2
#1
first half of #2

I could be wrong so I'll check with Brian to see if he remembers.
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Last edited by Moiety Jean on Thu Nov 09, 2006 8:08 pm; edited 2 times in total
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PostPosted: Tue Sep 19, 2006 4:11 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Those are very interesting logs, and I would agree it seems to go 2b, 1, 2a. Brian was central in all of them, seems to have been an eventful day for him!

This'll make a good story. It's a lot of conversation though, I foresee this episode being more like a courtroom drama...
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PostPosted: Tue Sep 19, 2006 6:23 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Jean's right. That's the correct order. part 2 of 2, 1, part 1 of 2.
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Moiety Jean
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PostPosted: Tue Sep 19, 2006 6:31 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Rils wrote:
Those are very interesting logs, and I would agree it seems to go 2b, 1, 2a. Brian was central in all of them, seems to have been an eventful day for him!

This'll make a good story. It's a lot of conversation though, I foresee this episode being more like a courtroom drama...


Yes. Very Happy We'll need appropriately tense music.
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PostPosted: Thu Nov 09, 2006 6:10 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Here is the first version of this script, with just the dialogue and very few actions worked in. I suggest saving it and opening in a viewer with word wrap capability.
http://www.fioca.com/jean/media/GT_Episode_5_JeanEdit_v1.txt

I need some advice on how to handle a few situations.

1) first scene, toward the end, LaReh says Phil is "bouncing in and out" - I've no way of knowing whether that was more of Phil's curious linking behavior, or a strange issue that isn't worth including in the action. Keep this part in, or end the scene with KnitCucumber's "Good luck, Doug. And Phil."?

2) second scene, around the middle, Engberg gets into a heek game with Brian and others. Leave this in or edit it out? I have no other way as yet of releasing Engberg from the scene, since he does not say goodbye in the chat log.

3) third scene, around the middle, Brian PM's Engberg and Engberg reacts out loud. Should we figure out what the message was and make it a public statement, or provide some explanation that Brian whispered to Engberg? This could take some acting if it's not in the dialogue.

4) the third scene is very meaty and will probably run long. I'm up for suggestions on further editing for time.

Thanks much!
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PostPosted: Thu Nov 09, 2006 6:49 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I am guessing that this log was captured by IMForeman as there appear to be a few private messages involving him. I would suggest attempting to edit those messages out of the script. See also comment on question #3.

1. The best solution is to ask LaReh what it meant, if you can catch up with them. It probably isn't important, but it's possible that Phil accidentally "left" by disappearing, then linked back in realizing, "Oh wait. I'm supposed to take Sharper with me. Leaving that way won't work at all." I'd be willing to place bets that's exactly what happened... but Episodes 2 and 4 both cover Phil's strange behavior adequately, I think.

2. I understand that after the heek game, the information about seeing Sharper in Rudenna is interesting, but we already know at this point that Sharper left with Henderson to go on his Journey. I'm not certain that it adds much. You could just end Scene 2 at the Heek game, I believe.

3. We can have Brian type the message on his KI to represent that he is sending the message to Engberg. As nobody knows what he said, and that makes it more interesting than revealing what he said anyway, I suggest:
(Brian privately messages Engberg)
... as a subtitle.

4. Things I think could be trimmed:

One specific spot is IMForeman's message to Engberg, and Engberg's response, leading up to Brian asking about the Library. We don't need Brian's statement to segue into discussion of the library, because John Lynch helpfully begins with "Sorry for interrupting..." which makes it fit just fine.

I'm not sure if this helps, but one way I could see this third (long) scene unfolding is focusing on the topic name for this episode - Safety First. Go through and identify each of of the lines in the script that refer to safety. Then read backwards from those lines to the beginning of the conversation that led up to that statement. Trim everything else that doesn't involve safety concerns. That would probably clip the top off of the chat log, including Brian's initial statements of confrontation with Engberg... but it tightens this episode to a core message: "The DRC claims to be terrified that explorers are going to die." This approach also steers clear of some of Brian's more... acerbic comments. Wink
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Moiety Jean
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PostPosted: Thu Nov 09, 2006 7:03 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

All good advice, thanks.

As far as editing out Brian's .. ascerbic dialogue, does that tread on the toes of historical accuracy too much? This is potentially something that will affect the public's opinion of Brian as well as of the DRC. Should we leave it in and let people make an opinion of Brian's past reactions, or leave it out as unnecessary? Who would consider that our artful manipulation of events, and would we care?
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PostPosted: Thu Nov 09, 2006 7:15 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Eh, I was just saying that editing to that message could have that effect. People are always welcome to read the chat logs to get the full details. The videos are by necessity a digest of events. I think Brian gets to show his 'tude in other places; we need not dwell on it.

Cool
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Moiety Jean
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PostPosted: Thu Nov 09, 2006 7:17 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

If you're cool with it, I'm cool with it. I'll get back to editing. Do you know if anyone is working on episode 7's script yet? "Kidnapped?" I've started that one too.
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PostPosted: Thu Nov 09, 2006 7:20 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Aha... Phil says "No, I will share my book. You will get one, too.".. Does he have a Relto book at this point, or is he referring to sharing a book from his Relto shelf once he's gotten Sharper there?

It merits figuring out when exactly Phil got a Relto book..
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PostPosted: Thu Nov 09, 2006 7:29 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Especially since I noticed he didn't have it in Ep2 just now - he says "I've never been here, is this her place?". Seems odd he'de never been to Relto, but that's the way it goes!

MJ, I can work on ep 7 if you'd like, since you've got both 5 and 6 in the works at the moment... I'll take some of that off yer hands, if you wanna send me what you've got! PM me if yer interested.

~Rils
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PostPosted: Thu Nov 09, 2006 7:33 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I would think Phil has a Relto book at this point... otherwise he'd have no way of getting to his own Relto. Then again, why didn't he just offer his book to Sharper at this point? It's very confusing.

Episode 4, no book (Why's he waiting for a relto page if he's got no relto book? Crazy Phil): http://uruobsession.com/?module=Gallery&galleryid=1&view=2003

It's hard figuring these things out from the chat logs. We know he got a book eventually...
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PostPosted: Thu Nov 09, 2006 7:49 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Rils wrote:
Especially since I noticed he didn't have it in Ep2 just now - he says "I've never been here, is this her place?". Seems odd he'de never been to Relto, but that's the way it goes!

MJ, I can work on ep 7 if you'd like, since you've got both 5 and 6 in the works at the moment... I'll take some of that off yer hands, if you wanna send me what you've got! PM me if yer interested.

~Rils


Thanks Rils, but I'm fine with 7. I'm not working on 6, Professor is. Smile Feel free to look into 9 and later; I don't think anyone's committed to those yet.
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PostPosted: Thu Nov 09, 2006 7:52 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Jeez, I'm sorry I missed this conversation. I already wrote the script for Episode Five. Shocked Remember, Jean? You and I had spoken and you said you were going to work on Four so I grabbed Five. Can we please touch base and see if we're on the same page? I would really appreciate it.
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Moiety Jean
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PostPosted: Thu Nov 09, 2006 7:56 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Really? I think the number changes of episodes (from adding #2) must have messed me up.

I wasn't trying to steal your work or anything. I'll pm you.
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